Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Penitence / One of My Greatest Faults
"And so whoever hates his faults and confesses them must still confess them in bitterness of spirit, so that this bitterness may punish him for what his tongue, at his mind's bidding, accuses him." - St. Gregory
I am judged religious at a time when there is little in religion which is not hypocrisy, when whoever does not offend the opinions of men receives the highest praise.
It is written: "Turn from evil and do good." Both are vain if not done for the love of God.
At every stage of my life up to now, as God knows, I have feared to offend you rather than God, and tried to please you more than him...I beg you, do not feel so sure of me that you cease to help me by your own prayers. Do not suppose me healthy and so withdraw the grace of your healing. Do not believe I want for nothing and delay helping me in my hour of need. Do not think me strong, lest I fall before you can sustain me. False praise has harmed many and taken from them the support they needed. The Lord cries out through Isaiah: "O my people! Those who call you happy lead you astray and confuse the path you should take."
Cease praising me, I beg you, lest you acquire the base stigma of being a flatterer or the charge of telling lies, or the breath of my vanity blows away any merit you saw in me to praise. No one with medical knowledge diagnoses an internal ailment by examining only outward appearance. What is common to the damned and the elect can win no favor in the eyes of God.
To me your praise is the more dangerous because I welcome it. The more anxious I am to please you in everything, the more I am won over and delighted by it. I beg you, be fearful for me always, instead of feeling confidence in me, so that I may always find help in your solicitude...I do not seek a crown of victory; it is sufficient for me to avoid danger, and this is safer than engaging in war. In whatever corner of heaven God shall place me, I shall be satisfied.
- Heloise, Letter to Abelard
I have never been able to express nor find mutual distress in this trial of mine, but now find beauty in a letter of penitence written by a Medieval woman. May I one day be able to express myself as she.
I am judged religious at a time when there is little in religion which is not hypocrisy, when whoever does not offend the opinions of men receives the highest praise.
It is written: "Turn from evil and do good." Both are vain if not done for the love of God.
At every stage of my life up to now, as God knows, I have feared to offend you rather than God, and tried to please you more than him...I beg you, do not feel so sure of me that you cease to help me by your own prayers. Do not suppose me healthy and so withdraw the grace of your healing. Do not believe I want for nothing and delay helping me in my hour of need. Do not think me strong, lest I fall before you can sustain me. False praise has harmed many and taken from them the support they needed. The Lord cries out through Isaiah: "O my people! Those who call you happy lead you astray and confuse the path you should take."
Cease praising me, I beg you, lest you acquire the base stigma of being a flatterer or the charge of telling lies, or the breath of my vanity blows away any merit you saw in me to praise. No one with medical knowledge diagnoses an internal ailment by examining only outward appearance. What is common to the damned and the elect can win no favor in the eyes of God.
To me your praise is the more dangerous because I welcome it. The more anxious I am to please you in everything, the more I am won over and delighted by it. I beg you, be fearful for me always, instead of feeling confidence in me, so that I may always find help in your solicitude...I do not seek a crown of victory; it is sufficient for me to avoid danger, and this is safer than engaging in war. In whatever corner of heaven God shall place me, I shall be satisfied.
- Heloise, Letter to Abelard
I have never been able to express nor find mutual distress in this trial of mine, but now find beauty in a letter of penitence written by a Medieval woman. May I one day be able to express myself as she.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Insight
Matthew 13:23
But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
In other words, in order to be good ground, you not only have to hear and understand, you have to act on it and 'bring forth fruit'. If someone gives a talk on Sunday, unless you apply it, it is pointless. Reading thoughts by great philosophers is certainly nice, but not worth it until you apply it. Try doing this, being a low-maintainence, high-yield member of the church.
But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
In other words, in order to be good ground, you not only have to hear and understand, you have to act on it and 'bring forth fruit'. If someone gives a talk on Sunday, unless you apply it, it is pointless. Reading thoughts by great philosophers is certainly nice, but not worth it until you apply it. Try doing this, being a low-maintainence, high-yield member of the church.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
(dedicated to Shayne Clarke)
I have had a history of not getting along with English professors, especially in college. Not unlike what you have heard before, I felt parts of English writing are subjective. As my knowledge of grammar grew, I would get frustrated when I felt teachers were giving misinformation or presenting opinions as near-doctrine. The most extreme example is my relationship with my freshman English teacher. I felt this professor spat out false doctrine left and right and I definitely did not agree with his grading method. The professor knew very well of my distaste for his teaching method through the comments I made in class.
One day, in going to my professor to appeal a grade I had received from other students in the class, I waited outside his office while another student (male) was in the appeals process. I could hear enough to tell that the professor and the student were in an argument, obviously over the student’s grade. After quite some time, the professor opened the door, ushered the other student out, looked at me, and said, “Oh, no. Now I get to deal with you?!” Surprised that my comments in class were so transparent to the state of my mind, I made a conscious decision to be kind to my professor. Out the window went my thoughts of entitlement, self-genius, and demanding expectations. After reading my paper and talking with a gentler and open-minded Shaunee, my professor asked me what my major was. This was the second time he had asked, signifying he certainly was interested. I responded that my major was Business Management – Finance. Admitting that this was only his opinion, my professor told me I was in the wrong major. I asked him, “Then what do you think I should major in?...” fully expecting the same biased answer I had gotten from every other teacher to had given me advice on switching to their chosen fields, “…English?” “Actually, no.” he responded, “Philosophy.” Surprised and totally not surprised at the same time, I listened with an open ear to what my professor had to say. He gave me two analogies: “Shaunee, if you stay with Business Management, you are going to hit a ceiling. You are going to want to go higher, but you are going to be stuck.” He also said, “Those people over in the business school – all they ever do is play in the shallow end. What you’re writing here is in the deep-end. You go play in the shallow end and you’re gonna get bored.” I told him I had been struggling with my major for a long time. I would consider what he had said.
A year later, stopping by in Idaho to get my stuff while moving from New York to Utah, I decided to drop by and talk with my ex-English professor. I had changed my major, although I was still in the financial field – financial economics. We talked about what time had done to us, who his new trouble students were, and my decision of major. Knowing both my reasonings and hesitancies, he gave me some more advice. He said that although what I was majoring was not necessarily my highest area of interest, I could incorporate my passions through whatever work I did or whatever I studied. He gave the example of writing a research paper for a business class (oh wow, look at that). Although I would obviously have to follow the criteria, I could choose to incorporate stuff I was passionate about, i.e. theatre, philosophy, etc.
Although I did not find my professor’s advice too helpful with that specific example, I have found it helpful in other ways. When in classes, I will do the bare minimum to get by. When it comes to a subject or project I am interested in, I will thoroughly engage myself. I’ll usually have two pieces of paper out: one for taking notes to get an A, and another for thoughts, any thoughts, whatever comes to my mind. I find that professors will usually spark something in my mind, I’ll be interested, but then I just follow the thought process he walks me through. But I’ve tried to change that. I know this sounds retarded, but for example, the day we were talking about constraints in writing, why people don’t do it, I was also writing down another list of random things I wanted to do, e.g. plant tomatoes, memorize poetry. In my physics and econometrics classes, where my mind is required to focus intensely, I’ll write my notes on regular paper and write down things we are talking about that I would like to investigate further in the left-hand margin, such as ‘theory of relativity’ or ‘cosmic rays and global warming’. I have found that writing these thoughts down is so valuable, because I would forget them otherwise, my mind being demanded to call attention to so many other things. It allows me to get what I want out of school, and not just be an information-processing computer.
So my purpose in this class was not to learn the material (it was not to not learn it either); it was to get the most I could out of it, even if I had time constraints, and even if what I learned was at times completely irrelevant. I don’t think that was your purpose either. I can tell that while you are responsible for teaching the content in class, that was not your ultimate goal. Neither did you teach for money. You wanted to inspire, to encourage these robots to break away from a traditional and formulated way of living life and to dream. But you didn’t say so, and from that, making so we didn’t feel we were being compelled, maybe a more effective approach.
I would like to share another story of one conversation having a big impact on me. I had been dating an insanely smart investment banker in New York. I was a near version of Mormon booty call as my schedule always formulated around his, since he worked all the time. He had gotten out of work early (10pm) and said we could hang out for an hour and a half. We never actually made it to his apartment and ended up just having a debate on the stairs outside his apartment. One thing we shared in common was that be both cared a lot about humanitarian work and were both pursuing finance careers in hopes of launching large-scales projects fighting poverty. I had been telling him of my love for philosophy. Due to his love of knowledge, the arts, and vast array of classes he had taken here at BYU, I was sure he’d join me in my ‘philos-sophia’. He agreed that these certainly were interesting to study, but because it is not very applicable, someone is not justified in majoring in it. Pursuing knowledge is not justified in and of itself. Although physics is certainly interesting, it is better to major in mechanical engineering, so that you can be of more use to the world. I shall spare the details of our conversation, but Jeff was a much better debater than I am (not meaning he’s right, but just better at arguing his opinion). I left kind of shaken that night (it was intense), but considered the various points he had made.
Our first day of class, you asked something along the lines of “Why poetry?”. Amongst other comments in class that it really was pointless, I quoted Professor Keaton from The Dead Poets’ Society: “Doctor, engineer… while these are certainly noble pursuits, necessary to sustain life,…poetry, love, these are what we live life for.” I was secretly making fun of the (what I like to call) dry students in our class, accountants, etc. who didn’t really care to hear what you had to say, but just wanted an A. I have not decided whether Jeff was partially right that night, but I feel that even though maximizing your utility for the world is very important, I do not agree with utilitarianism, and I do not feel like our sole purpose is to serve each other. I think appreciating the aesthetics, loving knowledge for knowledge are justified, and that it is finding that perfect balance that is our search in life.
The reason I share these stories is a) to show that what I learned and got out of this class does not necessarily have to do with anything with the material taught, and b) to show the importance of communication. These two (three) conversations were only such a small portion of my life, but played a great role. It is communication that really makes a difference. We cannot progress alone. It is the interactions between humans that allows the transfer of ideas and us as a society and individuals to grow to what we can be. And that is why we must study how to effectively bring what is in our minds to our mouth, or through our fingers to paper.
One day, in going to my professor to appeal a grade I had received from other students in the class, I waited outside his office while another student (male) was in the appeals process. I could hear enough to tell that the professor and the student were in an argument, obviously over the student’s grade. After quite some time, the professor opened the door, ushered the other student out, looked at me, and said, “Oh, no. Now I get to deal with you?!” Surprised that my comments in class were so transparent to the state of my mind, I made a conscious decision to be kind to my professor. Out the window went my thoughts of entitlement, self-genius, and demanding expectations. After reading my paper and talking with a gentler and open-minded Shaunee, my professor asked me what my major was. This was the second time he had asked, signifying he certainly was interested. I responded that my major was Business Management – Finance. Admitting that this was only his opinion, my professor told me I was in the wrong major. I asked him, “Then what do you think I should major in?...” fully expecting the same biased answer I had gotten from every other teacher to had given me advice on switching to their chosen fields, “…English?” “Actually, no.” he responded, “Philosophy.” Surprised and totally not surprised at the same time, I listened with an open ear to what my professor had to say. He gave me two analogies: “Shaunee, if you stay with Business Management, you are going to hit a ceiling. You are going to want to go higher, but you are going to be stuck.” He also said, “Those people over in the business school – all they ever do is play in the shallow end. What you’re writing here is in the deep-end. You go play in the shallow end and you’re gonna get bored.” I told him I had been struggling with my major for a long time. I would consider what he had said.
A year later, stopping by in Idaho to get my stuff while moving from New York to Utah, I decided to drop by and talk with my ex-English professor. I had changed my major, although I was still in the financial field – financial economics. We talked about what time had done to us, who his new trouble students were, and my decision of major. Knowing both my reasonings and hesitancies, he gave me some more advice. He said that although what I was majoring was not necessarily my highest area of interest, I could incorporate my passions through whatever work I did or whatever I studied. He gave the example of writing a research paper for a business class (oh wow, look at that). Although I would obviously have to follow the criteria, I could choose to incorporate stuff I was passionate about, i.e. theatre, philosophy, etc.
Although I did not find my professor’s advice too helpful with that specific example, I have found it helpful in other ways. When in classes, I will do the bare minimum to get by. When it comes to a subject or project I am interested in, I will thoroughly engage myself. I’ll usually have two pieces of paper out: one for taking notes to get an A, and another for thoughts, any thoughts, whatever comes to my mind. I find that professors will usually spark something in my mind, I’ll be interested, but then I just follow the thought process he walks me through. But I’ve tried to change that. I know this sounds retarded, but for example, the day we were talking about constraints in writing, why people don’t do it, I was also writing down another list of random things I wanted to do, e.g. plant tomatoes, memorize poetry. In my physics and econometrics classes, where my mind is required to focus intensely, I’ll write my notes on regular paper and write down things we are talking about that I would like to investigate further in the left-hand margin, such as ‘theory of relativity’ or ‘cosmic rays and global warming’. I have found that writing these thoughts down is so valuable, because I would forget them otherwise, my mind being demanded to call attention to so many other things. It allows me to get what I want out of school, and not just be an information-processing computer.
So my purpose in this class was not to learn the material (it was not to not learn it either); it was to get the most I could out of it, even if I had time constraints, and even if what I learned was at times completely irrelevant. I don’t think that was your purpose either. I can tell that while you are responsible for teaching the content in class, that was not your ultimate goal. Neither did you teach for money. You wanted to inspire, to encourage these robots to break away from a traditional and formulated way of living life and to dream. But you didn’t say so, and from that, making so we didn’t feel we were being compelled, maybe a more effective approach.
I would like to share another story of one conversation having a big impact on me. I had been dating an insanely smart investment banker in New York. I was a near version of Mormon booty call as my schedule always formulated around his, since he worked all the time. He had gotten out of work early (10pm) and said we could hang out for an hour and a half. We never actually made it to his apartment and ended up just having a debate on the stairs outside his apartment. One thing we shared in common was that be both cared a lot about humanitarian work and were both pursuing finance careers in hopes of launching large-scales projects fighting poverty. I had been telling him of my love for philosophy. Due to his love of knowledge, the arts, and vast array of classes he had taken here at BYU, I was sure he’d join me in my ‘philos-sophia’. He agreed that these certainly were interesting to study, but because it is not very applicable, someone is not justified in majoring in it. Pursuing knowledge is not justified in and of itself. Although physics is certainly interesting, it is better to major in mechanical engineering, so that you can be of more use to the world. I shall spare the details of our conversation, but Jeff was a much better debater than I am (not meaning he’s right, but just better at arguing his opinion). I left kind of shaken that night (it was intense), but considered the various points he had made.
Our first day of class, you asked something along the lines of “Why poetry?”. Amongst other comments in class that it really was pointless, I quoted Professor Keaton from The Dead Poets’ Society: “Doctor, engineer… while these are certainly noble pursuits, necessary to sustain life,…poetry, love, these are what we live life for.” I was secretly making fun of the (what I like to call) dry students in our class, accountants, etc. who didn’t really care to hear what you had to say, but just wanted an A. I have not decided whether Jeff was partially right that night, but I feel that even though maximizing your utility for the world is very important, I do not agree with utilitarianism, and I do not feel like our sole purpose is to serve each other. I think appreciating the aesthetics, loving knowledge for knowledge are justified, and that it is finding that perfect balance that is our search in life.
The reason I share these stories is a) to show that what I learned and got out of this class does not necessarily have to do with anything with the material taught, and b) to show the importance of communication. These two (three) conversations were only such a small portion of my life, but played a great role. It is communication that really makes a difference. We cannot progress alone. It is the interactions between humans that allows the transfer of ideas and us as a society and individuals to grow to what we can be. And that is why we must study how to effectively bring what is in our minds to our mouth, or through our fingers to paper.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Haha, I'm so glad I found this: My MSU application essay
In response to “a description of your work ethic and accomplishments that illustrate that ethic”:
How the MSU admission officers knew I had a Work Ethic, I really am not sure. Until now, I thought I had done a pretty good job hiding it. If you had asked my mom about my work ethic, she would tell you I didn’t have one. (That is because I have kept it in the basement all this time with my other pet Diligence. I used to have a pet Organization but it has since died.) I have quite an intimate bond with my work ethic. Once I got kicked out of the house for practicing the piccolo too much in preparation for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I was overwhelmed in the fact that my family wasn’t supporting me in my fervent endeavor when my work ethic crawled into my lap, licked my nose, and consequently encouraged me to continue my efforts. Oh what a work ethic can do!
The only person to who has ever known about my work ethic was my best friend, Procrastination, who caught me once trying to feed my work ethic. From then on, Procrastination would not leave me alone (or my work ethic for that matter). It seemed that every time I tried to play with my work ethic, Procrastination interfered. I kicked procrastination out of our house several times, but she always found her way back in through some nook or cranny.
It was at this point that I realized that Procrastination was not a true friend. I have since become friends with a fascinating young girl named Success. Together, my pets Diligence, work ethic, and my friend Success and I have grown to enormous heights. I could not live my life without them.
Note: Due to my overwhelming bond with Diligence, work ethic, and Success, I have requested that the MSU admission officers admit them as well. (No, I refuse to attend MSU without them.)
How the MSU admission officers knew I had a Work Ethic, I really am not sure. Until now, I thought I had done a pretty good job hiding it. If you had asked my mom about my work ethic, she would tell you I didn’t have one. (That is because I have kept it in the basement all this time with my other pet Diligence. I used to have a pet Organization but it has since died.) I have quite an intimate bond with my work ethic. Once I got kicked out of the house for practicing the piccolo too much in preparation for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I was overwhelmed in the fact that my family wasn’t supporting me in my fervent endeavor when my work ethic crawled into my lap, licked my nose, and consequently encouraged me to continue my efforts. Oh what a work ethic can do!
The only person to who has ever known about my work ethic was my best friend, Procrastination, who caught me once trying to feed my work ethic. From then on, Procrastination would not leave me alone (or my work ethic for that matter). It seemed that every time I tried to play with my work ethic, Procrastination interfered. I kicked procrastination out of our house several times, but she always found her way back in through some nook or cranny.
It was at this point that I realized that Procrastination was not a true friend. I have since become friends with a fascinating young girl named Success. Together, my pets Diligence, work ethic, and my friend Success and I have grown to enormous heights. I could not live my life without them.
Note: Due to my overwhelming bond with Diligence, work ethic, and Success, I have requested that the MSU admission officers admit them as well. (No, I refuse to attend MSU without them.)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Crush
So my taste is guys is ALWAYS changing, I think mostly 'cause I can't figure out what I want. So right now, I'm in this phase when I like really nerdy guys (looks-wise). Not as in socially-illiterate, but as in pure dorky-looking. The nerdier, the crazier I am about him. For example, there's this guy in my physics class who has shaggy, dirty blonde hair, shabby shirts, large headphones constantly around his neck, and glasses that he tilts so that instead of lying on his ears, it's like an inch above. And I'm crushing on him. (And he's foreign, haha). Anyways, aside from absolutely loving this song, I think the main singer is WAY cute. Check out the part at 2:42. It just makes my heart patter. Weird, I know.
Burnt
So I'm demonstrating a lack of faith feeling that more is required of me than I can physically accomplish. I know through the enabling power of atonement, everything is possible, but I'm just overwhelmed, grumpy, and have high blood pressure. BUT! I decided I'm not going to vent. This blog entry is solely for the purpose of doing a blog entry (points).
Anyways, there's something I found interesting in my Econometrics textbook. I'll translate to normal human words w/o the details of regression analysis:
There's this thing called the efficient markets hypothesis (EMH). We'll set up a model to characterize this concept. Our dependent variable (y)is the weekly percentage return (from Wednesdady close to Wednesday close)on the New York Stock Exchange composite index. A summary of the efficient markets hypothesis states that information observable to the market prior to a certain week, t-1, should not help to predict the return during week t. In other words, if we are using only one independent variable, y(t-1), the expected value of the return on a certain week is...hm, this is hard to word: the expected value of that week? This seems redundant, but what it is saying is that we expect the returns of one week to not depend whatsoever on the week before. Using data from January 1976 to March 1989 (the year I was born!) we get the model:
return = .180 + .059 return (t-1)
What you want to pull from this function is the .059. This (in a 'dummified' way) implies that 6% of returns for a given week can be explained by the returns of the previous week. Aka, investment opportunities will be noticed and will disappear almost instantaneously. Put even more generalized and stupidly, the New York Stock Exchane is almost all luck! (sort of)
However, when you get a t statistic for this regression, you get a value of 1.55, which means that this is statistically insignificant, which means that this isn't very accurate, or telling. Haha, what Econometrics can tell us! Basically, the NY Stock Exchange is a big '?'. You could assume that it's a big '?'. or you could be an 'econometrics-ist' and realize that 2 and 3 dimensional regressions aren't that helpful. If you want accurate data, you need to consider more explanatory variables, which deal w/ 4+ dimensions, and hire economists like Shaunee. :) And make that big money while you're at it.
Anyways, there's something I found interesting in my Econometrics textbook. I'll translate to normal human words w/o the details of regression analysis:
There's this thing called the efficient markets hypothesis (EMH). We'll set up a model to characterize this concept. Our dependent variable (y)is the weekly percentage return (from Wednesdady close to Wednesday close)on the New York Stock Exchange composite index. A summary of the efficient markets hypothesis states that information observable to the market prior to a certain week, t-1, should not help to predict the return during week t. In other words, if we are using only one independent variable, y(t-1), the expected value of the return on a certain week is...hm, this is hard to word: the expected value of that week? This seems redundant, but what it is saying is that we expect the returns of one week to not depend whatsoever on the week before. Using data from January 1976 to March 1989 (the year I was born!) we get the model:
return = .180 + .059 return (t-1)
What you want to pull from this function is the .059. This (in a 'dummified' way) implies that 6% of returns for a given week can be explained by the returns of the previous week. Aka, investment opportunities will be noticed and will disappear almost instantaneously. Put even more generalized and stupidly, the New York Stock Exchane is almost all luck! (sort of)
However, when you get a t statistic for this regression, you get a value of 1.55, which means that this is statistically insignificant, which means that this isn't very accurate, or telling. Haha, what Econometrics can tell us! Basically, the NY Stock Exchange is a big '?'. You could assume that it's a big '?'. or you could be an 'econometrics-ist' and realize that 2 and 3 dimensional regressions aren't that helpful. If you want accurate data, you need to consider more explanatory variables, which deal w/ 4+ dimensions, and hire economists like Shaunee. :) And make that big money while you're at it.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Time efficiency
So I have been debating as to whether I should introduce my chain-reaction (explosion) theory (B) or my sacrifice/efficiency theory (A) first. I’ve decided to start off with the sacrifice concept.
I quote Justin from his article, Abraham, Derrida, and Wretchedness:
“In the Gift of Death, Derrida argues that we make, in every moment of our lives, the same priority decisions that Abraham made when he picked up the knife.
We are always choosing how, and to what ends, we will dedicate our lives. My choice to write down these thoughts comes at the expense (how unfortunate our metaphors revolve around money) of a million other possibilities. I could be reading, eating, praying, or running naked in the woods. More to the point, I could be helping the impoverished and those in need. I was forcibly reminded of such prioritizing when I recently viewed, for the first time, Schindler’s List. At the end of the movie, as Schindler approaches his car to escape the allies, he stands surrounded by over a thousand Jews that he has saved. Overwhelmed, he realized his car might have been sold to save thirty more lives, his gold pin to save one. He is overcome by anguish at his inability to do more in the very moment his is surrounded by those he has saved. His car and pin represent thirty-one infinitely precious lives.
For me, the true frustration comes when I realize the brutish arbitrariness of the whole process. Even if I save person A, there are many others who I wasn’t able to save because I chose to save A. Once you understand that, you can’t help but see that your task is infinite. For each person you help, there are millions you missed.
Derrida argues that every prioritization is a sacrifice. “I can respond only to the one or to the One [God], that is to the other, by sacrificing the other to the one.” Someone is sacrificed in even the kindest of actions. He continues, “I can never justify the fact that I prefer or sacrifice any one (any other) to the other”. ..
…[This is] a parallel to what Father Zoshima instructs: “Everything is like the ocean, all things flow and are indirectly linked, and if you push here, something will move at the other end of the worlds.”…
…But the arbitrariness of sacrifice at the noble end of the spectrum is certainly preferable to the arbitrariness of sacrifice at the decadent opposite pole. How many good lives have been sacrificed to the inane chatter and babble of the bored and inured?... ‘You can’t kill time without injuring eternity.’ How much precious time and energy do we waste at the movies and in games and again, with distractions?
Five years ago I met a woman who needed $1,000 to escape the orbit of her abusive husband and start again with her three children. I spent a morning washing the floors of a local school with her. The money would likely have been stolen by her husband for drink. I do not want to sensationalize my close friend’s poverty; rather I want to explain the effect of that relationship on me now that I live far away from her. I cannot look on anything that costs over $1,000 without thinking that it could be exchanged for a reprise from rape for a poor woman. I see a Hummer and do some quick calculations: for $30,000 less, a cheaper, less vain, but more than adequate car could be bought. That equals thirty women freed. Perhaps it feels vulgar to reduce things to such calculus, I agree. But money matters.
Soon I couldn’t go to the movies without feeling guilty…I began to look for ways to serve—I mean real service. Not buying a name brand tie for my friend or playing soccer with the singles ward, but going out and finding those in desperate need of help.
…Too often I hear people saying that what they are doing has no effect on others, so I have no right to tell them it is wrong. This is a cheap excuse to avoid dealing with reality…Everything you do affects others. Every moment of your life you are sacrificing the other other to the other you have chosen to prioritize.”
Wow! I included way more than I was planning to. You’re just so amazing Justin.
What I want to point out is that sacrifice is inevitable; and I’ve found that it/prioritizing applies on even more levels. One thing I want to focus on, and that I will refer to again and again, is what I like to call ‘time efficiency’ (if this phrase ever catches on, you know who to pay the money to!).
As I had mentioned in my previous post, there was a night this last fall semester that my mind was on a streak (B). I was making discoveries and I so desperately wanted to write down everything or just sit there and philosophize. However, I had a massive amount of homework that demanded more urgent attention. (My mind had to choose to sacrifice either not getting these thoughts written down, or getting an A.) I chose to get the A. How unfortunate.
I become highly doubtful when I hear friends say they don’t have enough time to do homework, go to Family Home Evening and yet they watch TV for at least two hours a day. I myself find irony in the countless hours I can get trapped spending on facebook.
Contrast this to class starting in five minutes, and you’ve just got to finish your homework. You seem to be so desperate to have 5 minutes, wishing you weren’t so incredibly busy and that people didn’t demand so much out of you. Us girls show up five minutes late to church, and yet spend 90+ minutes getting ready for church. Tell me about priorities here.
I worked for the NYC Department of Education this last winter. Out of a 8 hr. work day, I only had about 5 hours of work. I would get on facebook, read my family blog, listen to music, bug my co-workers… just waiting for 4:00 to roll by. I’d get home, make dinner, do my accounting homework. New Yorkers get home really late, so by the time they wanted to party, it’d be bed-time for me. I realized I was just wasting my time away. I started to take advantage of that time I was localized, thinking, writing, and mainly thinking about what I would be doing if I could do anything I wanted. I started writing down goals, to-do lists, songs I wanted to learn (vocal, piano, or guitar). My grumpiness in a lousy government operating inefficiency turned into gratitude for time to contemplate. I became fascinated in my life coming into perspective. Try it! Thoreau was no fool when he stole two years in seclusion, seeking to find meaning in life.
I have since become almost fanatical with evaluating my use of time and maximizing my living. This is no call to hedonism.
How much time do we spend living life; and how much time do we spend sustaining it?
I quote Justin from his article, Abraham, Derrida, and Wretchedness:
“In the Gift of Death, Derrida argues that we make, in every moment of our lives, the same priority decisions that Abraham made when he picked up the knife.
We are always choosing how, and to what ends, we will dedicate our lives. My choice to write down these thoughts comes at the expense (how unfortunate our metaphors revolve around money) of a million other possibilities. I could be reading, eating, praying, or running naked in the woods. More to the point, I could be helping the impoverished and those in need. I was forcibly reminded of such prioritizing when I recently viewed, for the first time, Schindler’s List. At the end of the movie, as Schindler approaches his car to escape the allies, he stands surrounded by over a thousand Jews that he has saved. Overwhelmed, he realized his car might have been sold to save thirty more lives, his gold pin to save one. He is overcome by anguish at his inability to do more in the very moment his is surrounded by those he has saved. His car and pin represent thirty-one infinitely precious lives.
For me, the true frustration comes when I realize the brutish arbitrariness of the whole process. Even if I save person A, there are many others who I wasn’t able to save because I chose to save A. Once you understand that, you can’t help but see that your task is infinite. For each person you help, there are millions you missed.
Derrida argues that every prioritization is a sacrifice. “I can respond only to the one or to the One [God], that is to the other, by sacrificing the other to the one.” Someone is sacrificed in even the kindest of actions. He continues, “I can never justify the fact that I prefer or sacrifice any one (any other) to the other”. ..
…[This is] a parallel to what Father Zoshima instructs: “Everything is like the ocean, all things flow and are indirectly linked, and if you push here, something will move at the other end of the worlds.”…
…But the arbitrariness of sacrifice at the noble end of the spectrum is certainly preferable to the arbitrariness of sacrifice at the decadent opposite pole. How many good lives have been sacrificed to the inane chatter and babble of the bored and inured?... ‘You can’t kill time without injuring eternity.’ How much precious time and energy do we waste at the movies and in games and again, with distractions?
Five years ago I met a woman who needed $1,000 to escape the orbit of her abusive husband and start again with her three children. I spent a morning washing the floors of a local school with her. The money would likely have been stolen by her husband for drink. I do not want to sensationalize my close friend’s poverty; rather I want to explain the effect of that relationship on me now that I live far away from her. I cannot look on anything that costs over $1,000 without thinking that it could be exchanged for a reprise from rape for a poor woman. I see a Hummer and do some quick calculations: for $30,000 less, a cheaper, less vain, but more than adequate car could be bought. That equals thirty women freed. Perhaps it feels vulgar to reduce things to such calculus, I agree. But money matters.
Soon I couldn’t go to the movies without feeling guilty…I began to look for ways to serve—I mean real service. Not buying a name brand tie for my friend or playing soccer with the singles ward, but going out and finding those in desperate need of help.
…Too often I hear people saying that what they are doing has no effect on others, so I have no right to tell them it is wrong. This is a cheap excuse to avoid dealing with reality…Everything you do affects others. Every moment of your life you are sacrificing the other other to the other you have chosen to prioritize.”
Wow! I included way more than I was planning to. You’re just so amazing Justin.
What I want to point out is that sacrifice is inevitable; and I’ve found that it/prioritizing applies on even more levels. One thing I want to focus on, and that I will refer to again and again, is what I like to call ‘time efficiency’ (if this phrase ever catches on, you know who to pay the money to!).
As I had mentioned in my previous post, there was a night this last fall semester that my mind was on a streak (B). I was making discoveries and I so desperately wanted to write down everything or just sit there and philosophize. However, I had a massive amount of homework that demanded more urgent attention. (My mind had to choose to sacrifice either not getting these thoughts written down, or getting an A.) I chose to get the A. How unfortunate.
I become highly doubtful when I hear friends say they don’t have enough time to do homework, go to Family Home Evening and yet they watch TV for at least two hours a day. I myself find irony in the countless hours I can get trapped spending on facebook.
Contrast this to class starting in five minutes, and you’ve just got to finish your homework. You seem to be so desperate to have 5 minutes, wishing you weren’t so incredibly busy and that people didn’t demand so much out of you. Us girls show up five minutes late to church, and yet spend 90+ minutes getting ready for church. Tell me about priorities here.
I worked for the NYC Department of Education this last winter. Out of a 8 hr. work day, I only had about 5 hours of work. I would get on facebook, read my family blog, listen to music, bug my co-workers… just waiting for 4:00 to roll by. I’d get home, make dinner, do my accounting homework. New Yorkers get home really late, so by the time they wanted to party, it’d be bed-time for me. I realized I was just wasting my time away. I started to take advantage of that time I was localized, thinking, writing, and mainly thinking about what I would be doing if I could do anything I wanted. I started writing down goals, to-do lists, songs I wanted to learn (vocal, piano, or guitar). My grumpiness in a lousy government operating inefficiency turned into gratitude for time to contemplate. I became fascinated in my life coming into perspective. Try it! Thoreau was no fool when he stole two years in seclusion, seeking to find meaning in life.
I have since become almost fanatical with evaluating my use of time and maximizing my living. This is no call to hedonism.
How much time do we spend living life; and how much time do we spend sustaining it?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Introduction
I have been debating for some time whether to form a blog. I recall Weston’s comment that it’s pointless for people to make blogs because no one really gives a dang. I found it humorous and likely true. I had considered taking a poll on facebook as to whether people would be interested and who would take the time to view it. However, in my Business Communications 320 class, it is an assignment; so I am grateful that I have finally been compelled and for the opportunity to do this.
My mind is (not so) constantly reeling with thoughts and I rarely write them down (and never publicize them). My professor posed the question, “Why do you not write?” to our class. One kid answered (sorry if this is you!), “…because I have nothing to write about”. That made me so sad. What goes on in your head? I have tonz of things to say! I answered, “…because I don’t have time” (A). I recall a moment this last fall semester when my mind started taking off (B), and I so desperately wanted to sit there and think, and even write! But I had so much HW to do, I told myself no.
Before I start writing, I have to give a few explanations:
When I was working for the DOE (NYC Department of Education; I am writing this blog for a mass market of people, so I apologize. Some things I will explain, some I won’t), I discovered a pattern in my thoughts. (Being the gov’t (C), I had way too much free time.) I’d go through a similar cycle every day. Much of the philosophies were repetitive. So each day, my mental process started over. I started writing down my thoughts on paper, in no order whatsoever, save in groups i.e. To Do Today, Goals, Thoughts, Lyrics I Like, etc. As soon as I did this, my thoughts started to make progress! Where I would think up something extraordinary, make a mental note to remember, and forget it by the time I walked out the doors; I started to piece all these random blips together, and my life started to make sense! I guess where I’m going with this, is that thoughts fly by; they come and go. And they are only worth something if you can capture them and make something out of them.
I am an extreme fundamentalist. If that’s not a word, I am coining it. I am interested in subjects that study the absolute basics: philosophy, physics, math. It’s how I mentally comprehend things too; I have to break them down into their most basic form.
Those letters? [(C)]. When my mind branches off, and I want to talk about something, but for the sake of actually finishing topics, I’ll write an entire article later. They’re to come back to! :)
I’m going to (at least) start off different than Justin’s (once again, for those who don’t know who he is, remember, I’m writing to a vast audience). I’m going to attempt to relate all of my topics at first, rather than start discussing random topics, mostly to establish things I’m going to refer back to again and again. You’ll see. ;D. So followers are going to want to read these in sequential order.
Wow! I sound like a frickin’ robot! Sorry, I guess that’s the way fundamentalist Shaunee rolls! After all, I am an economist!
My mind is (not so) constantly reeling with thoughts and I rarely write them down (and never publicize them). My professor posed the question, “Why do you not write?” to our class. One kid answered (sorry if this is you!), “…because I have nothing to write about”. That made me so sad. What goes on in your head? I have tonz of things to say! I answered, “…because I don’t have time” (A). I recall a moment this last fall semester when my mind started taking off (B), and I so desperately wanted to sit there and think, and even write! But I had so much HW to do, I told myself no.
Before I start writing, I have to give a few explanations:
When I was working for the DOE (NYC Department of Education; I am writing this blog for a mass market of people, so I apologize. Some things I will explain, some I won’t), I discovered a pattern in my thoughts. (Being the gov’t (C), I had way too much free time.) I’d go through a similar cycle every day. Much of the philosophies were repetitive. So each day, my mental process started over. I started writing down my thoughts on paper, in no order whatsoever, save in groups i.e. To Do Today, Goals, Thoughts, Lyrics I Like, etc. As soon as I did this, my thoughts started to make progress! Where I would think up something extraordinary, make a mental note to remember, and forget it by the time I walked out the doors; I started to piece all these random blips together, and my life started to make sense! I guess where I’m going with this, is that thoughts fly by; they come and go. And they are only worth something if you can capture them and make something out of them.
I am an extreme fundamentalist. If that’s not a word, I am coining it. I am interested in subjects that study the absolute basics: philosophy, physics, math. It’s how I mentally comprehend things too; I have to break them down into their most basic form.
Those letters? [(C)]. When my mind branches off, and I want to talk about something, but for the sake of actually finishing topics, I’ll write an entire article later. They’re to come back to! :)
I’m going to (at least) start off different than Justin’s (once again, for those who don’t know who he is, remember, I’m writing to a vast audience). I’m going to attempt to relate all of my topics at first, rather than start discussing random topics, mostly to establish things I’m going to refer back to again and again. You’ll see. ;D. So followers are going to want to read these in sequential order.
Wow! I sound like a frickin’ robot! Sorry, I guess that’s the way fundamentalist Shaunee rolls! After all, I am an economist!
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